Tricking Myself To Fall Asleep Again
by Ashimattack
Summary: she had taught him everything, she had helped him dig the trench he had eventually fallen into. and she didn't even know it


The last time he saw her she was lying in a pool of her own blood and tears, pleading with him to reconsider. He didn't want to return but he didn't want her to die.

He could pretend that it was all her fault.

She had given him everything he needed to get where he was today.

Everything that he required to plummet to his downfall

He wasn't strong enough to stop.

To continue would be the easy option, his way out of his self created hell.

But to stop would be difficult

It would require the sacrifice of his own sanity.

She had helped to dig the trench that he had eventually fallen into

And she didn't even know it

(;;)

The first time he saw her she was sitting on the jetty, smiling widely for the world to see.

He wanted to sit with her, ask how she could be so happy.

What could possibly have happened to make her feel like that?

He stayed there for a while, crouched in a bush. Watching her.

How the wind would blow and her pink hair would dance delicately around her face.

That was all he could see, just a blur of pink.

And it intrigued him.

He so wanted to go and talk to her but didn't have the courage.

So he stayed there watching her, then he gasped when she stood up and turned around.

Because he got a view of large turquoise eyes and a small smile.

As she started walking she tripped and fell down into the water.

He was amazed that even when falling into the water she still managed to look graceful.

Like an angel, falling from the sky.

He also wondered if she could swim. He waited for a moment and decided that she couldn't and that he should rescue her.

He emerged from his position and ran to the water's edge where the jetty began.

He wasn't exactly sure how he was going to save her but he knew he would.

He looked on the jetty for a while until he found some rope, he unravelled it and threw it into the water.

'grab onto the rope!' he shouted

She hastily grabbed the rope and he pulled her towards the jetty, once she reached it he helped her out of the water.

She lay there on the jetty, covered in water and gasping for air.

He gave her a minute until her breathing evened.

'are you ok?' he asked her

'I'm cold' she said

He immediately took off his warm jacket and handed it to her.

'but it'll get wet...' she said

'but you might get sick...'

She put on the jacket and smiled.

'I should probably be getting home now... thank you for saving me'

'no problem. I guess I should be going now too...'

He helped her up and watched her slowly walking away.

That day he learnt courage.

(;;)

The next time he saw her he was sitting on that same jetty, wondering why he had done it.

Why had he saved her?

Was it because he wanted to speak to her?

Wanted her to spot him?

Wanted to save her?

He really didn't know.

But he wanted to

He wanted to see her again

But he figured he probably wouldn't

But even so, knowing this he had returned to that jetty

Hoping to see her again

'hello' came a voice from behind him

It startled him and he jumped, but was careful not to fall in.

He slowly turned around to see her standing there with a big smile, holding his jumper.

He wanted to ask her why she was so happy, what could have possibly happened to make her that happy?

'hello' he said shortly, not knowing what to say.

She came over and sat down next to him, but not close.

She didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

He didn't really mind if she came closer, she smelt really good.

'I came to return your jumper' she said

'thanks' he said, then he made the mistake of looking over at her.

And found himself at a loss for words

From far away she was intriguing, this close up she was amazing.

And that smell was making him nauseous.

Before he knew it he was falling.

Falling down.

Towards the water.

He plummeted into the water and was suddenly alert.

What the hell?

Then he heard a splash next to him and looked up to see her in the water too.

He shook his head and grabbed her, then swum them back to the shallows.

'why did you jump in?' he asked 'you can't swim'

'I don't know... just instinct I guess...'

They spent the rest of the day swimming as it was fairly warm.

When they got out they were both chattering as it had darkened and it had gotten cooler.

The only dry thing was the jacket.

'you take it' he said

'are you sure? You look cold...'

'well if you stay cold you could get sick' he said

And she left again.

That day he learnt to stay alert.

(;;)

The next time he saw her after that, he was in a forest trying to throw some kunais.

His brother had told him but he still didn't quite get it, so he was practising very hard.

He heard some singing a little while away and wondered briefly who it was.

Whoever they were they sounded happy.

He wondered how they could be so happy, what could have possibly happened?

He decided to ignore it but it was becoming increasingly difficult as they were getting closer.

He still couldn't work out who it was but he knew that they were just on the opposite side of a tree.

By this time he was sick of it so he threw a kunai towards the bush, he heard a small squeal and the sound of it hitting a tree so he knew he had missed his target but had succeeded in freaking them out.

It didn't make him feel any better.

Out of the bush came a familiar looking startled little girl with pink hair and big turquoise eyes.

He felt regret.

'I'm sorry...' he said 'I didn't know who you were and you caught me off guard'

Not exactly the truth but whatever.

She still looked a bit shaken but eventually gave him a smile.

'No it's ok, you're still beginning and that's a good thing since your aim is a little off.'

'how is it a good thing that my aim is a little off?'

'well then you might have hit me dummy...'

'well I guess so...'

'wait, you wouldn't want to hit me would you?'

'no that wouldn't be a good thing... what's in the basket?'

He hadn't noticed before but she was carrying a basket that was almost too big for her, it looked clumsy in her small hands.

She looked embarrassed, she had forgotten about her basket.

'I uuh... came to return your jacket and uuh...'

'wait how did you know where I was? And where did you get the picnic?'

Well your mum gave it to me and told me to find you, said you were somewhere in the forest... see I went to your house first...'

'how did you know where I lived?'

'well I asked my mum about the fan on the back of the jacket, she said you were an Uchiha'

'oh...'

So they sat down and had their picnic and stayed out there till it was starting to get dark.

'I should probably get going' she said as picked up the basket

'oh yeah me too... I had fun though maybe I should take that...' he said taking the basket from her

So they said their goodbyes.

That day he learnt accuracy.

(;;)

The next time he saw her he was looking for his brother, who had disappeared.

'Brother! Where are you?' he shouted

His brother had run away from him and he couldn't keep up, so now he was searching desperately for him but was failing miserably.

'looking for someone?' asked a voice

He swung around and saw her.

The Pink hair, turquoise eyes and big smile that he knew so well.

He wondered why she was so happy, what could have happened that made her so happy?

'yeah it looks that way...'

'who are you looking for?'

'my brother. He kinda ran away and I couldn't keep up'

'well maybe you aren't fast enough...'

'what is that supposed to mean?'

'well why don't you catch me?' she started running and he was caught off guard.

Should he chase her or let her run away?

He decided that he wanted to chase her, his brother probably wouldn't come out for a while now and he wanted to spend time with her.

He ran as fast as he could and eventually caught up

'TAG!' he shouted and tapped her on the back.

'aww you got me! That means I'm it'

He didn't quite comprehend what she was saying until she tapped him on the shoulder

'tag! You're it again!' and then she ran away

He hadn't ever played tag before, he had been too busy studying.

But he had seen other kids play it and understood the rules.

He chased her and eventually caught up.

'tag!' he shouted and ran off

They continued playing, he was faster but always let her get him eventually.

That day he learnt agility.

(;;)

The next time he saw her was shortly after his familys death, he was sitting on that jetty, covered with dirt and was crying his eyes out.

He put on a brave expressionless face for everyone but inside he was broken.

He found that no one would even look at him.

Was it that hard to show him a little bit of attention?

Everyone had their friends and that left him sitting alone on a jetty.

'Hey there' came a voice.

He didn't have to turn around to know who it was.

He knew it was her.

With her pink hair, turquoise eyes and massive smile.

He could hear the smile in her speech.

How could she be so happy? What could possibly have happened to make her so happy?

He didn't want to talk, so he stayed silent and hoped she would understand and go away.

His hopes were crushed when he felt her presence sitting down next to him.

No such luck.

'this place sure has some memories eh?' she said

He said nothing.

'with you saving me, then me attempting to save you but not quite getting there. We sure had fun eh?'

He said nothing.

For a while she stayed silent

'please say something' she eventually asked in a small voice

'I don't want to talk' he muttered

'I'm sorry'

'It hurts to talk'

'I'm sorry'

'it hurts to breathe'

'I'm sorry'

'stop it!'

'stop what?'

'saying that you are sorry! You cannot even being to comprehend what I'm going through right now and you sitting there apologising isn't going to do a damn thing!'

'I'm sorry...'

'yes you are! Please just go away I want to be alone.'

'ok. If you want me to leave I will. But I'll just let you know, you don't have to be alone if you don't want to'

She gave him a hug and then walked away.

He listened to her go with fresh tears in his eyes.

That day he learnt acceptance.

(;;)

He didn't see her until a while after that.

He didn't want to be around her any more

He didn't want anything

He didn't need anyone

He had shut himself off from everyone and she had become friends with the new girl, Ino.

He didn't really mind. It isn't like she wasn't allowed to make friends.

But Ino really annoyed him...

A lot.

'hey there!' she said in her annoyingly high pitched voice

'go away...' he muttered

'aww come on! We just want to spend time with you!' said the girl.

The girl with pink hair and turquoise eyes and that big smile.

They both shared smiles right now

How could they be so happy? What could have possibly happened to make them so happy?

'please go away. I want to be alone.'

'come on! No one wants to be alone! You need to lighten up!'

'go away' he said with more force now.

'oh we're not scared of you! Your angry face is so cute!'

They continued to pester him for a while

That day he learnt adoration.

(;;)

The next time he bothered to look at her was after he had been accepted to become a genin.

He had achieved his goal of graduating but wasn't feeling any happiness about it.

He had tried so hard and should have been mega proud.

But he wasn't

Because he had no one to make proud.

After the ceremony he had walked back to that jetty.

The same one that held all those memories.

He sat down on the jetty and stared out at the sea.

This was the only time he would let his guard down, let his emotions show. Only when no one else was looking.

He had achieved what he wanted but at the expense of everything else.

He had no family

No friends

He had completely shut himself off from everyone

He allowed the tears to run down his face as he stared at the setting sun.

'hey there' came that voice.

_Her _voice.

'go away' he said

'please look at me... I'm sorry if I annoy you sometimes but you are alone and you look as though you might want some company.'

He looked up at her. That was a mistake.

That pink hair, those turquoise eyes that smile.

How could she be so happy? What could have possibly happened to make her so happy?

'sure. Sit down if you want'

She sat down and they stared at the sunset in silence

'penny for your thoughts?' she said

He sighed

He didn't know why but he wanted to tell her

'shouldn't you be with your parents?'

'they can wait'

'at least you have them. Someone to be proud of you'

'you speak as though no one is proud of you'

'no one is proud of me'

'come on! Everyone is proud of you!'

'they don't know me.'

'well I know you. And I'm proud of you'

He looked at her and smiled his first smile in a long time

That day he learnt acknowledgment

(;;)

It was a long time after they had both been paired up in a team with Naruto that they had a mission

It was a small one but still had an element of risk in it

They needed to work as a team but they both knew that they wouldn't be able to.

After the mission their team was in chaos.

He had screwed up and nearly got Naruto killed.

'you need to be more careful' instructed Kakashi to him.

'me? Why don't you tell him to not nearly get killed next time!'

'because I'm telling you! You need to learn to work as a team!'

'yeah you really can't do it!'

'shut it Naruto'

'see?'

'Naruto, shut it' said Kakashi

'you're all against me!'

'well next time try not to get yourself killed!'

'I didn't get myself killed this time idiot!'

'SHUT IT BOTH OF YOU!' she shouted.

He stared at her, dumfounded.

Her pink hair was streaked with mud and dirt, her turquoise eyes angry and her smile was no where to be found.

Why wasn't she happy? What could have possibly happened to make that smile disappear?

She turned to him

'Naruto is an idiot and I thought you were better than him. Kakashi is right. You need to learn to work as a team.'

She then walked away

Leaving him dumbfounded

She was the only one that could

That day he learnt adaptability

(;;)

A few months later they were assigned another mission.

This one ended badly as well

But not in the result as one of them dead but the guy they were protecting.

Kakashi hadn't been there but it was events that were out of their hands that got the guy killed. Not that they screwed up.

But they all couldn't help but feel like it was.

He sat there on the jetty, alone.

Feeling the tears prick in his eyes.

How could this have happened?

He heard footsteps behind him, two pairs.

'hey' she said.

He turned around to see her and Naruto, coming towards him.

Her Hair was dirty, her eyes dull and her smile was once again no where to be found.

Why wasn't she happy? Who would dare take her happiness away?

'hey' he said

They came and sat down, her next to him and Naruto next to her.

They sat in silence until she started crying, sobbing loudly.

Naruto was quick to embrace her.

He hugged her from the opposite side as well.

They sat there in silence like that for a while.

Just hugging

words not needed

That day he learnt belonging.

(;;)

The night he left was a sad one for both of them

He slowly made his way towards the gate that left the village, a sad march that could not end well.

Lot's of things had happened and he just couldn't stay any more, he knew that.

He had to get out and if Orochimaru was the only one who would take him in then He guessed that was all there was too it.

'Hey' came her voice.

He didn't bother turning around

He didn't want to see that pink hair, those turquoise eyes and that smile.

How could she be so happy? What could possibly happen to make her that happy?

'why are you leaving?'

He stayed silent

'why are you leaving?' she asked with more force.

'because I have to' he said quietly

'why?'

'because there is nothing here for me'

'yes there is! There is Naruto and Kakashi Sensei! There's the whole group that followed you when you went after Gaara who are willing to die for you! Don't you get it? You aren't alone!'

'they're only there because they have to. No one really cares.'

'what about me?' she asked quietly 'I'm here. I love you'

His throat tightened.

How could she say that?

How could she after all this time?

He transported to right behind her and hugged her from behind.

'thank you' he whispered in her ear 'I'm so sorry'

He knocked her out and left her on a bench

He turned around and never looked back.

That day he learnt heart break

(;;)

The last time he saw her she was lying in a pool of her own blood and tears, pleading with him to reconsider. He didn't want to return but he didn't want her to die.

He could pretend that it was all her fault.

She had given him everything he needed to get where he was today.

Everything that he required to plummet to his downfall

He wasn't strong enough to stop.

To continue would be the easy option, his way out of his self created hell.

But to stop would be difficult

It would require the sacrifice of his own sanity.

She had helped to dig the trench that he had eventually fallen into

And she didn't even know it

She just looked up at him with that dirty pink hair, bright turquoise eyes and that smile.

Dammit she was smiling!

'how can you be that happy? What could there possibly be to make you that happy!' he finally shouted. What he had wanted to say for so long

'you Sasuke. It's you'

'what?'

'that made me happy, or made me upset. It was always you. I always knew you were there'

It all dawned on him, everytime. She had known.

That was what he needed, he had been fighting so hard for each breath and he never knew why

Why was he bothering to stay alive?

He had nothing.

He lent forward and kissed her.

It was what he had wanted to do for so long.

'I'm so sorry' he said

And he left.

he had been planning to let go, to kill himself

That day he learnt motivation

(;;)

Years later he returned to the village, hoping to see her again.

The girl who had taught him everything.

He marched straight in the gates and straight towards the Hokage.

He knew who it would be before he even went in.

'Naruto' he said

'It's you!' Naruto gasped 'what are you doing here?'

'I don't know but... please. Take me to her. Let me see her, please'

Naruto's face turned solemn

'I can take you to her if you like.'

And within the next ten minutes of Naruto taking him towards that plaque, the one that held so many hearts he forgot everything she had taught him.

' No!' he shouted as he broke down when he spotted her name written in amongst all the rest.

_Sakura Haruno_

'killed in action' said Naruto quietly.

Sasuke just continued to sob uncontrollably until he left.

Then he stopped fighting.

He stopped trying to stay alive and let himself fall.

He went to sleep and never woke, hoping to see her again somewhere.

That day he learnt freedom.


End file.
